Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
