How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
