Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
