so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there's paper in my vomit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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