hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize