I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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