dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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