We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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