Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
