Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
