theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
