At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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