I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
