Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
