I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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