I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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