Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
