I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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