Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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