If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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