i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
