did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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