Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
