We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
