i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
