You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
