Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
