Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
