so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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