If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
