idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
