if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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