i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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