I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found a bag of teeth...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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