So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize