my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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