Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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