If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
