Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
