Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
