This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
