Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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