Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
