i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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