Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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