I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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