That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
