There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
