The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
