I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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