so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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