took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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