yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
