Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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