his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What drink are we having for lunch?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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