Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
