Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i out mim tonsoeep
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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