CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize