Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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