Everything about him screamed your future.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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