She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize