also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
