are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
