toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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