I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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