I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
