She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
