I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
