moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
