I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
