I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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