I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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