Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
