Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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