and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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